reliability.

I am currently reading this book called, "A Praying Life." The book is centered on how we as human beings connect with God in a busy, distracting world. The book goes through, chapter by chapter, and helps the reader to form better methods to praying. In my latest chapter on cynicism, the author states it perfectly,"At some point each of us comes face to face with the valley of the shadow of death. We cant ignore it. We cant remain neutral with evil. We either give up and distance ourselves, or we learn to walk with the shepherd. There is no middle ground." These insightful words describe my last few months to a tee.

I always thought I knew who I was. I succeeded in school, had close relationships with many and had lots of interests. i love all of these things.... and then I loved God. I put everything I thought to be important before God because everything in life seemed picture perfect. But when everything I thought to be true changed, I felt helpless and didn't know what to do because I relied on things that in reality turned out to be unimportant. But it wasn't until I felt completely helpless that I knew God was actually moving in my life. Of course in the midst of the darkness I didn't see what God was doing, but I had to take a step out of the pit to see how far I had come. God helped me to realize that everything I depended on didn't matter, what mattered was my relationship with the Lord, which I had put on hold for a very, very long time.  I prayed when I was upset and the rest of the time I assumed that God would always be there when I needed him. But I hadn't realized that my need for God was an ever present need. It never ended. As human beings it is easy to rely on things that are tactile and can speak back in ways in which we can understand, but God doesn't call us to do that. I learned to walk with the shepherd and he led me out of the valley of the shadow of death. Of course I still miss those things I believed to be true, of course I am still presented with struggles daily and of course I still forget to pray when things seem to be okay. But I've learned that God knows our needs. We don't. So why do we consistently rely on everybody but God? He has to be our reliability because He is the only stable things we have.